It started up again last night. A thought which drew my hand to pen and paper and a new...very new...story started.
It actually felt good to scrawl across the paper and not feel any hesitation. I didn't even rethink the notebook I was writing in...like if I should type this to the computer, get a journal for just this story, use binder school paper, maybe change pens, give a title first, nothing. I just wrote. Granted...no I'm going to leave that word in, it's part and parcel of my old habits to excuse away the internal editor...no, it's more the apologetic persona that is excusing my creative ability.
What's worse...the negative editor or the apologetic persona? Is it better to be negative about what you create than to actually go and apologize for being __________?
Either one holds me back from my first passion...fiction writing. Yes, I've found other writing passions, ones I will never give up. Ones I treasure and would be lost without.
But that first passion...it's very much like your first love - it never dies. It may fade away, but at some point it pops back into your mind. Comes back as a favourite memory or a driving force.
We'll see what happens next.