Tuesday, January 27, 2015

Poetry starts, written January 14 2015

What colour is bright?
blue is the sky
snow-white blinds underneath
trees shine dark green

but what colour is bright

I see morning lemon sun
watch burnt orange say goodnight
darkness sprinkles night's black

but what colour is bright

my poetry notebook

Poetry has always been my first love. It flows out without form, I don't fit forms very well. But one thing with all poems, they need editing and polishing, too. Here under Poetry starts I'm thinking of sharing the rough starts, another glimpse into my mind...wander if you dare ;)

Monday, January 12, 2015

Roaming idea leads to words leads to rough draft leads to...

The first thing about writing is to just get the words down on the paper or up on the screen. It doesn't matter if they make sense or are repetitive or are just plain spelled wrong. Get them on the page.

Easier said than done for some, me included.

The idea either freezes up or the internal editor/critic speak up. Even when the ideas are there and you've locked the editor/critic in its cage, something just stops the journey to the paper/screen.

Well, last night as I sat journal writing...oh now that's easy, those emotions just fly...I started to think what if the story was all diary entries. I know this can be a dull read because it tends to lack active voice. However, I gave it a go and here is the result.

These words have not been edited or changed. They are here just as they flowed from my mind to paper. Who knows where they'll go.

Remember, it's fiction ;)


Dear Diary.

He said he loves me! He really loves me.

Now I knew that all along. But it's so wonderful to hear the words out loud. To be told all those long looks and morning hellos were so hard to contain. To having to be quiet about his feelings so she wasn't hurt.

The poor girl. Who knew she was so ill. And him, so brave to sit by her side while I feed her those special cookies. Wishing he could take her place and ease her pain. Finally, when she could eat no more, I did have to use the knife. Leeches may be coming back to medical use, but they take so long. And the poor girl needed bleeding. It really was the only way.

Alas, it wasn't enough. He was so gallant saying goodbye. And when he turned those eyes to me. Those tears of love spilling telling me all he could not.

Well of course they had to be preserved. They look so beautiful on my desk shelf. Why I can see them in the their crystal jar from here.

Oh, there's the buzzer. Time to stir the mixture. I so love how my garden grows since I started using my own organic mulch.


Wonder whose diary I'll visit today?

Monday, January 5, 2015

When Dreams Come True

6:02 a.m. on January 5th 2002 my dream gave her first cry.

Getting pregnant was not easy for me and my husband, there was an issue which even once resolved still did not guarantee we would ever become pregnant. We found out we were expecting our child while working with our local Children's Aid, the multi-layered process to adopt a child. Our decision to leave this process was not easily made. When you dream of a child you're never prepared for the growth of your heart or the hard honesty you search inside of yourself to see.

A child demands the best of you.

A child deserves the best and more of you.

As others before me, I had a scare within the first three months of my pregnancy. Luckily, it was one night, but what a long night. My logical mind knew this was considered normal, but my heart was crying with worry.

Then comes the moment you hear your baby's first cry. Her birth ended as a c-section, but that was fine. Whatever it took to bring her safely into my life. I still did not relax until I heard her first cry. Even then, while everyone left to get some much needed sleep, I couldn't put her down and rest. Hubby held her for the first hour...two...of her life, but I had her alone for the first time.

Now today she turns thirteen.

Our beautiful, smart, funny, caring, loving daughter, the best of us both, her own unique person.

I don't know what I did right to have her come into my life, but I'm forever grateful. I forever treasure my child. I will forever reach higher in order to be what she needs me to be. And yes that includes my frailties and faults.

May she never doubt my love, her father's love. Our belief in her.

May her dreams, whatever they are and will be, become reality.

Dream high my sweetpea.